MURDERING ZODIAC MYTHS
A SERIES from DAR ALEXANDER
Mmmmm… Brains. Please, let me nip, nip, nip at your brains.
Chewing isn’t half as delightful as seeing you squirm… writhe. Wiggle. SQUEAL — ah! That’s interesting. Let me do that again.
If you want someone to eat your brains and smile over your pain, call up Gemini — and I mean that in the most praiseworthy way.
This sign has been butchered as a nutty-arsed airhead. When Gemini season wheels in, astroLOLOgerz (self included) paint it as if it’s time to sip from your favorite bottle of screwloose and fancy-free.
In actuality, when “the lightest sign” swings by, it’s time to take a gulp of the deepest, darkest emotions of all.
Sip, sip, sip, let Gemini rip.
MYTH #1: Gemini is a brrreeeeeze!
How about… Not.
The deadly reality is that a “light,” mercurial attitude makes the dark emotions of Gemini even darker.
Gemini is a symbol of Hermes, the Greek “messenger” god. You know, the one with the pretty winged sandals. The one that flies around like the wind. The one that brutally murders animals and feasts on their flesh, within hours of his birth.
…Yeah, THAT Hermes.
Awww, look at the skin of little Hermes’ victims. Hanging from his infant mouth, his little lips curl into a sweet smile. What if I told you, he also as good as crucified those animals — hung up their skin and called it a day? That’s one light-hearted, cute little babe.
If this picture of baby Hermes is a little too bloody for you, don’t fret. This is still the same little Hermes that pulled off the fun little antic of stealing the oxen in the first place.
It’s just, he did it so he could cook their BRAINS.
If you’ve bought the idea of fun-lovin’ Gemini for a faux penny, just consider a few souls that fall under this “light-hearted” Sun sign: Gemini Jolie (with her love of danger, Angelina Jolie is no stranger to sadomasochistic themes), Eyes Wide Shut star Nicole Kidman, and the infamous Marilyn Monroe.
The enigmatic Prince stroked controversial depths of music and culture. Elizabeth Hurley played the provocative Devil in Bedazzled (oh, but it’s a comedy!) You don’t need to be reminded of the intense, sexualized themes Brooke Shields was thrust into at a dangerously young age. And everyone knows the beautiful Marilyn struggled with her demons.
Every single one of these pop figures deals with intense taboo subjects.
Join my Part 2 to find out a little secret about the GOTHIC favorite, Johnny Depp. You know no light soul can wear the hat of the mad hatter.
MEAT #1: Gemini is intense.
MYTH #2: THE TWINS: Double trouble.
The BIG JUGS come out.
Gemini and the twins are like candy canes and blackstrap molasses… Then again, those don’t mix.
Neither does the idea of Gemini as a dual person. It’s a superficial trick that’s stuck to Gemini since the dawn of signology, making the poor guy believe he has multiple personality disorder.
Gemini suffers enough with the experience of life being turned on its head, over and over again. Does he have to start believing he’s bipolar or some other craziness, too? Painting Gemini as two people in one might have its fun points, but it only gives Gemini separation anxiety… the last thing he needs.
To understand the ILLUSION of duality in Gemini, you need to understand the essential purpose of this sign.
Why would the messenger god want to slice, dice and burn up anyone’s brains? One word: penetration.
With the same breath he uses to fill the cup of almighty Zeus, Hermes takes souls into the world of the dead. He is the only god that regularly sticks his shaft into heaven and earth — penetrating both outer and inner.
Sorry to sexual enthusiasts, but I’m not talking about double penetration.
It’s mind/heart INTERCOURSE.
The duality of Gemini is a false one. It’s the same trick that makes you think the heart or mind are two different beasts. Just look up the numerous scientific studies that prove the heart is a “thinking” organ that provides input, just as the brain fashions it.
The mental and emotional landscape of a person is a result of the communication between these channels.
Despite sentiments about Gemini as a hermaphrodite, reality ain’t so flexible. Gemini, an air sign, is masculine — energetic and assertive. The goal is to put out as many communicative signals as you can. Wand-wielding Hermes, father of the incurably horny hunter Pan, is a phallic god. In the rationalizing jungle of the mind, he’s a boar on the tackle.
Gemini interacts for the integration and not the separation of mind and heart. The mind is always moving toward the heart and vice versa… creating what humans call intelligence.
Gemini is the experience of intercourse, sexual and otherwise.
MEAT #2: It’s intercourse.
MYTH #3: Gemini’s got loose screws! (Ie. he’s crazeh).
The problem is, Gemini buys the mental lie himself, because he can trade it for magic beans — not.
It’s a sad day when Gemini starts thinking he’s crazy, when in reality, he never feels safe enough to lessen the load of his emotions.
Ever wonder where Gemini’s darkness comes from? The twins represent a BREAK for Gemini, but never in himself. The break comes from the outside — usually immediate family or those closest to Gemini.
No one thinks about associating Gemini with trauma, but Gemini-influenced people deal with an intense separation in their lives.
Gemini’s trauma comes as a whirlwind. World overturned, almost overnight. A nod to the role of underworld-guide and a masculine (urge to action) sign, Gemini needs to learn how to navigate his intense emotions to keep going. No time to skip n’ slide or you’ll flip n’ fry! Transitions are hasty for Gemini, and often harsh.
Because Gemini has this urge to action, he fills up emotional wounds with productivity, whether that’s making ends meet, getting in trouble or partying up a storm.
Something happens in the storm of Gemini. His real storm gets shoved in, untended and unexpressed; so that when it comes out, it looks and sounds crazy.
Gemini prefers productivity, but needs to spend his energy for emotional release so he’s not caught in “the craze” — the emotional upheaval and cry for nourishment.
MEAT #3: Gemini needs regular release of his emotions, so they don’t flush out all at once.
MYTH #4: Gemini is changeable! And baby Hermes murders for the helluvit…
Yes, Gemini is a mutable (flexible) sign. Yes, Gemini is an air (communication) sign. Yes, Gemini is the offspring of communicative, flexible planet Mercury.
All this should point to one logical conclusion: Gemini can and will change on a whim! Right? Wrong.
What if I said, Gemini is potentially the most spiritual sign of all, for all these reasons? What if I said, that in the Gemini/Sagittarius axis, Gemini, the Mercury sign, can be the true zealot?
“Spiritualism” refers more to the communication between channels of creativity than its expansion. It’s connecting the dots between “planes” of experience, or the heart-mind intercourse.
If you try to mess with Gemini’s holy faith (whether in an actual god or practical ideal), you’ll see just how immovable the most movable sign is.
There’s a deeper significance to Hermes’s carnal massacre.
Hermes had mischief on the mind when he stole a god’s oxen, but his act of killing, hanging and burning it was not without purpose or feeling.
By fulfilling this impulse, this riveting and remarkable god invented sacrifice.
The messenger divided up the flesh into twelve portions, dedicated to the twelve zodiac signs — I mean, the twelve Olympian gods. Honored as the inventor of fire, he burned the bony bits of the beasts, the hooves and heads. Meanwhile, he held onto the good juicy stuff, the fat and the flesh.
It’s a testimony to Gemini’s truth… that emotions are sacrosanct.
MEAT #4: Gemini has a sacred cow.
MYTH #5: Gemini is immune to intimacy.
The signology descriptions wear Gemini’s superficiality like a badge:
“Gemini is the sign MOST PRONE to flakiness!”
“Gemini partners are FICKLE!”
“Gemini prefers NO complicated emotions from others.”
“Deep, lasting relationships are a PROBLEM for Gemini.”
…And that’s why he’ll f*ck every orifice of godawful lies until they bleed holier words.
This kind of slander is unfair to anyone, nevermind all the Geminians of the world in devoted relationships.
Gemini does prod and pound the mouth of heaven, the mound of the mundane and hell’s happy hole to the ground. So what? Not many are willing to go where he goes.
Having traversed all three realms, he’s been around enough to know what’s going on. Gemini’s desire for stimulus is not superficial. It’s a testimony to his impulse for penetration and depth.
Hermes is born in a cave; the deep, chthonic recess of the primal. The dark tunnel of creativity, where bees create honey and the dragon ravishes the primal goddess. In the Orphic hymns, Hermes is the child of primal god Dionysus.
Born of a cave (sensitivity), he wants to break free of creative and emotional coils — but only returns to them. It’s a cycle, like the winding ribbons (or serpents, a later invention) around his phallic staff.
MEAT #5: Gemini is a conduit for sensitivity.
If that got you buzzin’, buzz in for Part 2 to learn the dark truth about humor and the secret behind the trickster’s grin!