Oh, what’s that — you see the name of a “zodiac sign” up there? Then you should know what this is about, before I disappoint the pups reading this.
I don’t play signs. Leave that to your modern astrologer making sappy sand castles while splashing around in the pool of DHA-enriched strawberry milk for kids. The pudding is in the planets — the DARK chocolate pudding — and that’s why I’m exacting justice for the signs by watching the truth thicken from the sugar and starches they’re made of; ie. their physical symbolism. On top of that, I’m slicing skins open with a knife to let pop ideas bleed out into a pool of disgusting death. In short, I’m murdering the myths.
Welcome to my zodiac house of horrors. The truth is darker than the London Dungeon, so leave now if you can’t take ugly in the beauty. Because the truth is, if these “signs” are going to refer to living, breathing human beings, they’ve got to be full of shit — as much as they are pure, beautiful and blessed by god.
You can go back to your organized world of false comfort and pink cotton-coated ideals. The choice is yours. Are you ready for real astrology?
I’m convinced Aries is called the sign of Frustration — not the sign of power. In fact, Aries is most often involved in losing power and then blowing up about it than gaining and sustaining it.
Yeah, he’s the first sign. Yeah, he has amazing, massive energy. That’s why he’s symbolized by plain, red-hot FIRE, baby. He can pump! He can thrust! But can he SCORE? (By the way, this applies to “she” as well).
Man. When Aries, who symbolizes the very spark of life and liveliness, is smacked in the head with the THUD of a red-hot idea, he’ll convince you he has the new world in his hands. Watch the excitement of a venture give Aries the momentum to power it into existence. The truth is, NO ONE is as good at movin’ as Aries is. That’s why this fire-of-life-dude is represented by hot action planet Mars.
He’ll secretly snigger at other “Mars boy” Scorpio, watching his brotha skitter about on his eight legs to make things happen. “Bah, I was born moving — I tore open my mother’s womb myself.” You can be sure a real titan lives underneath even if your Aries is skinny, wears glasses or keeps quiet. Ever wondered who the best housekeeper is? It’s not wonder-Virgo. It’s Aries. Because he gets straight to the mess and mops it up with his thumbs.
“Don’t judge a book by its cover” definitely applies to the first sign.
Let’s use that reference for a quick sec. Virgo is good at connecting the dots of reason, but Aries is truly efficient, which means getting things done in real time.
The problem is, Aries takes on too much — it’s as if, the more he does, the more he NEEDS to do! And for all he does so damn well, the sign of action struggles to cross the finish line. It’s hard to run a marathon when you’re the one stuck carrying the world on your shoulders.
When it comes to his own big ideas, iron walls block Aries’s racetrack. Aries is a gladiator, effective at facing the beast head-on and slaying it in a clean swoop. But he’s no Spartacus, leader of a far-reaching movement. It’s scale over scope. Yes, he’s impatient. But Aries needs to release the chains he puts himself in to go the distance. This often means releasing expectations (or mortally impossible ideals) of optimal performance.
No matter how well the titan performs, he can’t take it all on himself, either. Large, long-term ventures take team work. They take relationships. Aries needs to draw from the opposite sign, Libra, to make up for where he falls short. (The late Andy Whitfield, who played Spartacus actually was a double Libra).
But I promised to slay the myths. Aries DOES NOT suck at relationships. Yes, I said it. Aries can be better at it than mentioned Libra. But something else happens. Aries makes too much out of the concept of relationships instead of actually doing it. People become things Aries needs and needs desperately — more than any other zodiac sign.
Alas, the most independent sign is the loneliest. The more energetic sign is the one most prone to depression. The best leader often meets the early death of his enterprise — often at its very peak.
Wanna bet Aries’s middle name is Atlas?
None of this shiz makes sense, you think. Stay tuned for ARIES Part 2: Lone Dreamer and you’ll hit a home run of understanding about one of the most praised, least understood signs.